woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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