When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
