so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
