I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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