True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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