Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
