There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
