So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
