You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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