Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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