I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
