how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
