I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
