remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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