I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
false alarm, still single
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