Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
