Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
