Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
