Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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