I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
