drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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