Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
