I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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