summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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