Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
