Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
