More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You've changed since you got that strap on
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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