I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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