He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
