When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
