I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
