My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
