I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She said her name was "party"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We're too hungover to prance.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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