Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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