He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
