YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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