I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
