is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
