Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
