I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
