i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
