Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
