I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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