She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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