the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
