Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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