Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
