stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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