Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
