i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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