You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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