Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
