Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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